The Wessex landscape is dotted with giants, horses, and mysterious figures, all carved into our hillsides. In our latest episode, we took a deep dive into some of the most famous chalk hill figures in the UK. We covered ancient myths, modern mysteries, and even some seriously rude geology!
The Giant, The Horse, and The Long Man
We started, of course, with our favourite, the Cerne Abbas Giant. This 55-metre-high figure wielding a club and an impressive... other thing has been making people laugh for centuries. A 2020 study dates it to the Anglo-Saxon period, but the famous phallus was apparently added much later. This didn't stop a Victorian campaign to cover it up with a leaf, which, thankfully, was rejected!
Next up was the iconic Uffington White Horse, a beautiful Bronze Age carving that looks like it’s galloping across the hill. Its folklore is rich and wyrd, with legends of a phantom foal, a wish-granting eye, and a connection to King Arthur. But not all the discoveries here are so light-hearted; in 2019, workers found the remains of 26 people, some with their heads and feet cut off, suggesting human sacrifice.
We then covered the Long Man of Wilmington, who stands vigil over East Sussex. This figure has been a puzzle for historians, with theories ranging from it being an Iron Age chieftain to a representation of the god Woden. It also has its own dark folklore, with a black dog known as the "wish hound" said to guard the nearby barrows.
Wyrd Origins and Modern Twists
Some figures have much clearer, but no less interesting, origins. We talked about the Hackpen White Horse, which was allegedly carved in 1838 as a result of a drunken pub conversation! This horse, which has its own local fairy folklore, stands near Adam's Grave—a site where the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle records two battles took place.
We also discussed the Alton Barnes White Horse, with its hilarious story of an artist named John Thorne who ran off with the commission money and was later hanged! This horse and the surrounding area are also a hotspot for crop circles, which brings up the rumour that a local pub used to pay people to create them.
Finally, we gave a shout-out to the Bulford Kiwi, a 130-metre-tall figure carved by bored New Zealand soldiers in 1919 while they were waiting to go home from WWI. It’s a great example of a modern hill figure with a clear, and very human, story behind it.
From Wyrd Anecdotes to Wyrd News
As a quick tangent, Andy shared a personal story about creating a hill figure of his own—a giant Nirvana smiley face! This got us thinking about how these figures are more than just art; they’re territorial markers, community projects, and sometimes, a bit of teenage rebellion.
We wrapped up the episode with our usual segment of wyrd news, covering a recent big cat sighting in Cheshire and a bizarre tale about a pigeon that was detained as a Chinese spy in Mumbai. This spiraled into a discussion about animals in warfare, from Soviet dogs with bombs to a real-life kamikaze pigeon program!
If you want to hear our full deep dive into the folklore and history behind these incredible chalk figures, be sure to listen to the full episode. You can also get your hands on our new merch with the Cerne Abbas Giant logo. Let us know in the comments which figure is your favourite!